Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
