Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
