Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
