Sponge bath it is.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
