you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
