We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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