Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
