its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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