Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His hands were made for my vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
