I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
