a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
