I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
