No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
