it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize