ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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