We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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