we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I still have a little drunk in my system
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
