I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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