I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
