He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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