Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
