I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
