omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just cut my nipple shaving
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
