as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
