I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
