There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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