Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Welp...herpes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
