This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
