ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
