her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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