Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
