Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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