i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
