You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
