Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm both gender and math confused
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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