There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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