God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
