how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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