This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
