May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
