this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize