It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
