I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
