I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
