Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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