We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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