cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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