If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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