capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we made out on top of his cat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
