i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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