i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
