Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
