Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
