I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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