remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Say something about gay babies.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
