I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize