May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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