He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
