My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
