bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
