also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
