saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
