I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize