I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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