Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
