so that wasnt chicken after all
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
