She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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