Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
