These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
