Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
