so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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