I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I could fuck to npr.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
