Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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