apparently the secret to your success is patron
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
