OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
