i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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