She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
