We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
