Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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