she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
