So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
