I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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